A Stationery Tale
by thickets
Summary: A man looking for adventure meets a man who knows how to find it, and Stationery Village will never again be the same because of it.


Title: A Stationery Tale

Author: thickets

Characters: Howard and Vince

Word Count: 1280

Rating: PG

Summary: A man looking for adventure meets a man who knows how to find it, and Stationery Village will never again be the same because of it.

Author's Note: I love Stationery Village. What can I say … I am an office supplies geek.

Once there lived a man in Stationery Village who felt his life was very dull indeed. He woke every morning at the same time, left his fastidious Post-It Note house, and took a walk down the boulevard where he stopped for coffee at the Marking Pen Café. He watched the children playing in the Blutack Garden, while the sun reflected off of the shiny pinnacle of Paperclip Castle. Sometimes he'd go for a walk in the park, shuffling through the bits of sellotape that had drifted off the lower branches of the trees.

It was all very pleasant; but surely, he thought, there must be more to life than this?

One day, he was going about his business just as he always did, when he noticed an unusual figure hanging out in the plaza surrounding the Tipp-Ex Memorial. He was uprooting push pin flowers from their eraser beds.

"What are you doing?" he asked, alarmed.

The stranger looked up at him with a downright mad grin, and said, "I'm gatherin' supplies."

Against his better judgment, he was intrigued. "Supplies for what?"

The stranger stood up and handed him a fistful of flowers. "Come with me and you'll find out."

He followed the stranger until eventually they came to the statue of Atlas, who carried a giant rubber band ball on his back. The stranger climbed up and began to worry one of the rubber bands. This was a bit too much for the man – defacing a work of art! "Stop it!" he cried out. "You're making a mess of things."

The stranger looked down at him, perplexed. "Aren't rubber bands meant to be used?"

He huffed and puffed. "Yes … but … you're upsetting its … spherical qualities."

The stranger shook his head and resumed his efforts. Eventually he managed to roll a rubber band free from its mates. He looped it around his neck, put his hands to his hips, and hummed thoughtfully. "What next?"

The man wondered what would be next too. Strangely enough, he was looking forward to finding out.

"Ah!" The stranger said suddenly. He strode over to the pretty fencing formed of interwoven binder clips which surrounded the statue. He tugged one clip free. "These'll do," he said. "Good heft."

"I don't follow," the man said.

"Don't you?" the stranger said, gathering up more binder clips, and then charged off. The man stared after him for a moment, and then rushed after him.

When he finally caught up, the stranger was in the main boulevard, not far from Paperclip Castle, prying open binder clips so that they were stretched out like metal butterflies. "Right then," he said to the man, who was panting and begging him to explain what was going on, "give those here." He took the push pins from him, and then pulled the rubber band from around his neck. The man watched in amazement as he took a push pin and fastened the rubber band to the side of one of the nearby buildings. Then he tugged the band across to another building and pinned it there too. He picked up one of the binder clips and then placed it in the center of the two stretches of rubber band, and pulled it back.

"Oh dear," the man said, finally realizing what he was about to do.

_Snap!_ The stranger let go of the clip; the rubber band propelled it forward, and it flew through the air in a beautiful arc, and hit the apex of Paperclip Castle head on, knocking several paperclips loose. The sound of them hitting the ground was very loud.

"Ha ha!" the stranger said joyously. "Genius!" He picked up another binder clip and readied his makeshift catapult.

"No!" the man said desperately. "What do you think you're doing? We're going to get in trouble."

"So?" the stranger said flippantly, and let loose the binder clip.

The man had never seen such wanton destruction before in his life, and so he was utterly unprepared for how exhilarating the sight of it was. Paperclips rained down in a colorful hail. He bit his lip with anticipation as each binder clip soared through the air – would it hit? Wouldn't it?

"Last one," said the stranger. "Shall we?" And the man found himself grasping one side of the clip while the stranger held the other, and together they pulled it back.

"Oi! You there! Stop what you are doing!"

The man gasped and looked behind them, and was horrified to see a phalanx of policemen streaming out of the Staple Barracks down the street, led by the sheriff of Stationery Village.

"Shit!" he shouted, and in his shock let go of the binder clip. The stranger laughed and let go of his end, and the last clip was let loose, hitting the castle with a resounding smack.

"Attack! There's an attack on Paperclip Castle!" the sheriff was shouting as he neared them.

"Oh my god," the man moaned. "We're doomed …"

"Come on, don't stand around like a great ox," the stranger said, grasping his hand. "Let's get out of here!"

They fled, pounding down the pavement, heading towards Mt. Paperweight, the police in hot pursuit. The man was so terrified he could only just allow himself to be tugged along by the stranger's hand, holding his own securely. He seemed to know where he was going. They disappeared into the pencil woods that surrounded the mountain, and eventually the sounds of their pursuers grew faint. At last they stopped. The stranger leaned against a tree, laughing and gasping for breath. The man fell down on his knees, feeling like his heart was about to explode both from fear and exhaustion. He'd never felt like this before.

"Well, that was exciting," the stranger said.

"Exciting?" the man said indignantly. "You've ruined me! I had a life, and now I can never go back! You've made me a criminal!"

The stranger bent down until their faces were level. He was very close. He gave him that crazy grin again. "Yeah," he said, "but it was fun, weren't it?"

_Yes_, he realized suddenly, _it was fun._ More fun than he'd ever experienced his entire life. He imagined going back to his little house now and felt vaguely sick. Still, he was very scared. It was only by looking at the stranger's oddly self-assured expression that he felt a sense of calm wash over him.

"So … now what?" he asked.

The stranger looked thoughtful. The man felt this was a sign that he should worry. "You know," the stranger said, "there's a world out there, outside of Stationery Village. We'll look for it."

"That's only a story," said the man. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Maybe it is only a story," the stranger said. "But it'll be fun finding out, eh?" He stood up and held out one hand. After a moment's hesitation, the man took it and raised himself to his feet.

"What's your name, anyway?" the man asked as they made their way through the dim woods.

"What's yours? I bet it's something well old-fashioned and awful."

"Hey, now, sir! I object to that! My name is very dignified, I'll have you know!"

He only received laughter in response.

The end.

Epilogue:

"Vince! What the hell have you been doing to Stationery Village?"

"Relax, Howard. I was just making some little origami people to live there, right? And things – well, they got a bit out of hand."

"Well, clean it up, all right? What a disaster. It's nice to see you taking an interest in the village, but be a bit neater about it in future, please."

"All right, Howard."


End file.
